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Not one of the women in this article. I was lying in bed this past summer when I had the sudden urge to try something new. After reinstalling Tinder on my phone—which I removed after ruining most of my matches by spamming them with Drake lyrics—and setting up my profile, I was prompted with a choice: What was the age range of women I was interested in? With a nonchalant slide to the right, I set the end zone at 50 and began swiping away. Eventually, I got bored, my thumb got tired, and I drifted off to sleep. The next morning, I woke up to a rumble, and another rumble, and another rumble.

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